***I wrote this in August but was too afraid to share it. It is now September 14th and I'm pulling off the Band-Aid.***
August has me thinking about joy. Has me focused on how to squeeze as much joy out of every moment of our lives as possible.
Maybe it’s the fact that school is right around the corner and I'm seeing all the back to school pictures on Facebook. Perhaps it's because summer is flying by. But I am really feeling the clock tick right now and, darn it, I'm going to enjoy every single minute.
This quest for joy really got me thinking about what steals it away. What I *allow* to rob my joy. Or, at least, what I've allowed to steal it in the past.
And what I keep bumping up against is comparison and worrying about what people think about me.
I lived at least 36 years of my life painfully shy. PAINFULLY.
I could fake it here and there - I could psych myself up to be outgoing for moments at a time and in certain situations but I was (am) always happier in the background.
"Please, please, please don't notice me!!"
But - that attitude also caused me to spend a lot of time alone - it's hard to make and keep friends when you are busy hiding from people. And that caused me to spend a lot of time feeling lonely. Like an outsider.
Why? Why did I isolate myself like this? For YEARS.
I think it all boils down to worrying about what people think about me. What if? What if I look stupid or say the wrong thing? What if I allow them to know me - and they don't like me? What if they do like me - and want me to actually TALK? Shit!
What if I speak up - and people NOTICE me! Good Lord - I don't want any attention! Note to self - avoid eye-contact at all cost!
And then. About 6 years ago I started a business from home. And I was forced to speak up. I was "forced" to talk to people. I was forced to be social and have pictures taken of me (and it's always the worst ones that are posted - I'm looking at you Sarah). Over and over and over again.
And I started to get over myself.
I started to slowly break out of my shell and let my guard down around people. I started to let go of giving a shit about what people think of me.
Because NOTHING steals your joy more than consuming yourself with the opinions of others.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea.
I'm a hippie. Alternative is my favorite word. I educate my kids in an untraditional way and work an untraditional "job". I have the sense of humor of a 14 year old boy (sometimes 10 year old boy). I eat weird food - and like to talk about it a LOT. I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld and can't sing on key to save my life. I'm opinionated and am fairly confident I am always right - because I am ;).
Some people love me, some people can't stand me and, my guess is, most people don't give me a second thought.
And that's cool. I'm finally freaking cool with that!
Darren Hardy talked about something during his daily videos called the 20, 40, 80 rule. At 20 we think everyone is thinking about us, at 40 we don't care what they think and at 80 we realize they were never thinking about us at all. How liberating is that?
I heard something recently while listening to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** that said something along the lines of "you won't help anyone if you are worried about impressing everyone" (totally paraphrasing - I was listening on a hike in Yosemite and haven't found the dang quote since - but you get the point - right?). I'd rather help a few than impress any so I'm letting all that go.
I slowly decided to not allow other people opinion of me steal my joy. I am slowly realizing that no one is thinking about me at all. And that is just lovely.
I am going to be unapologetically me - because that's the only way I can be truly happy. And that's the only way I can model the behavior that will allow my kiddos to find that joy also.
Something that I really love to do is bury myself in a really great book. I love fiction and really enjoy digging into a meaty self-development book. I'm currently working through "I hope I Screw this Up" by Kyle Cease and I'm LOVING it.
A quote is:
You aren't what loves you - you are what you love.
So I'm going to keep on loving what I love - and finding joy in it - and not worry about what does (or doesn't) love me.
And I highly recommend that you do the same!
