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- Do you self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen. ~ Alyce P. Coryn-Selby
Do you self-sabotage? Or, perhaps I should ask, how do you sabotage yourself? I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t do this in at least an area or two of their life on occasion.
What does self-sabotage look like? Often, it’s something small and subtle, sometimes it’s big and obvious, but typically we won’t recognize it in ourselves without some self-examination and reflection.
Examples:
You want to go to the gym but forgot to dry your laundry.
You’re excited for your team to grow but you complain to them about well, anything!
You must get your work done but first you must check your email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, one more time.
You are having a hard time juggling your current responsibilities but agree to take on yet another.
You are struggling to stick to your meal plan and then buy a bunch of goodies at the grocery store.
Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?! I think it boils down to change is hard and while we may not be happy with where we are we at least know what to expect from it. Some other reasons may be:
- Feeling unworthy – you must feel like you deserve success to allow yourself to have it.
- Control issues – if we change we won’t know what to expect from our future and that requires letting go of control. If we don’t change, we may fail, but at least we’ll know what to expect.
- Need for excitement or attention – the desire for attention and excitement in your life can take many forms, and many of them are not constructive.
- Familiarity of ‘failure’ – if you are used to things going against you, you will re-create situations so you continue to fail.
I am diligently working on self-improvement. I know that I need to grow to be an effective and successful wife, mom, and leader. One area that I’m focusing on is changing from the inside out through the schooling of my thoughts. A book that I’m reading that explores this topic is Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza, D.C. It is almost comical the ways I have stopped myself from truly delving into the content. I have been attempting to read this book for a solid four months and, at the time of this writing, I am only on page forty-seven. 47!! I’m a reader! I can work through pretty much any book in the matter of a week or two, but I am on the second chapter after four months. So, what is taking me so long? I’m putting up road blocks for myself right and left. I’ve read the same paragraph countless times and cannot quiet my mind enough to concentrate. I’ve lost the book on two occasions – once for a week and a half; and once for almost a month. I’ve “decided” to read it last thing before bed – and fallen asleep more times than I can count. And the list goes on and on and on.
Why? Because change is scary and this book threatens to grow and change me in ways that I never even imagined.
Now what? How do we stop?
- Pay attention. Observe yourself. Notice if there are any patterns in your life that you’d like to overcome and, if so, what actions are you taking leading up to them. See what you can change moving forward to get out of your own way. Please note, this isn’t about criticizing yourself or wallowing in self-blame. This is about noticing what you are doing and see if something can be cleaned up.
- Let go of perfection. Have you ever been on a diet and slipped and ate a cookie or three? And then, have you ever said “forget it! I’m off track already I might as well eat whatever I want the rest of the day (or the rest of the week, month, year)? That is perfection working against you. If you slip up, consciously acknowledge it and choose to move forward.
- Put others first. I don’t think anyone considers themselves as selfish but self-sabotage is exactly that. Think about it for a moment. If I limit my success I’m not just hurting myself, I’m hurting my husband, my kids, and my team. I’m limiting the amount I can give at church and to the charities that I care about. And the same applies to you. I don’t know who they are, but if you are limiting yourself, you are limiting those people you care about.
Start paying attention today – you ARE worthy, you CAN let go of control, excitement is over-rated and success isn’t scary! Now go win. As for me, I’m off to tackle that book yet again!
